| Article Index |
|---|
| Confessions of a Nice Guy |
| Page 2 |
| All Pages |
Single Black Sheep
Confessions of a Nice Guy
By Josh Aterovis
I have a confession to make. I don't believe in resolutions. I never make them, so I'm going to start a new tradition. Instead of resolutions, I'm going to make some confessions. They say confession is good for the soul, so as we come to the close of 2009 and look ahead to a sparklingly clean 2010 (and a brand new decade to boot), I think it's time to do a little soul cleansing. I've learned a lot about myself over the last year through dating so here are my nine confessions for 2009.
Confession #1: I'm a nice guy. If you're looking for a bad boy you're not going to find it here. I'm nice — too nice, some might say. I've discovered that some people just don't know what to do with a nice guy. They're so used to being treated like crap that they don't know how to react when someone treats them with respect. Sometimes I wish I could be more of an asshole, but at the end of the day, I'm a nice guy, for better or worse. They say nice guys finish last, but I'm banking on that not always being the case.
Confession #2: I'm not perfect. By the time you're done reading this column, you'll probably think this is an understatement, but I really hate being put on a pedestal. It's an awfully long way to fall, and trust me, I will fall eventually. I'm a bit of a klutz that way.
Confession #3: I'm not a confrontational person. This could be a continuation of my first confession, but it's a separate issue in that it very directly affects how I deal with people, especially people I'm dating. I'm always up for calm, honest discussion, but I don't like fighting. I also don't like broaching subjects that I know might upset the person I'm dating. This is something I need to get over, and since I'm aware of it, I'm working on it. After all, communication is the key to any healthy relationship.
Confession #4: I'm not as confident as I pretend. Eight years in an unhealthy relationship and a really ugly ending took its toll on my self confidence. I've gained a lot of it back over the past year, but it's still pretty shaky, to be honest. It's a work in progress. Unfortunately, you don't get over being made to feel invisible and unattractive for years on end over night. Sometimes, I still can't quite understand why anyone would really be interested in me. Hey, I'm working on it.
Confession #5: I'm still figuring things out. Despite writing the "Ten Rules of Gay Dating," I don't have all this stuff figured out yet. As I said when I started the Rules, they were as much for me as they were for you. I do feel like I'm moving in the right direction, at least, but I have a ways to go yet. One thing I definitely noticed recently was that I spent most of the last year subconsciously dating guys who were as opposite from my ex as possible. It was a good realization since that's not necessarily healthy. I was attracted to the good things about him; they're why I fell in love with him, and those are the same qualities I really want to find in the next guy I fall for. There's no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater, as the old saying goes. That was a valuable lesson for me...and I think it will be a turning point in my dating life.
Confession #6: I sometimes wish life was more like third grade. Remember how simple life was back when if you wanted to know if someone liked you, all you had to do was pass them a note that said, "I like you. Do you like me? Circle Yes or No." It's so much more complicated as a grownup. I often feel like stomping my foot and maybe throwing myself back on the ground while kicking and screaming. You have to decipher clues and hints and body language, and most of the time you still don't know for sure. Yes, there's always the direct approach, but so many guys are scared off by that. And then there are those whole confidence and non-confrontational issues...
